i said it today, i’ll say it again tomorrow.
With a new chapter looming in my life I feel grounded.
I have no idea which ground I have actually chosen to plant my feet on. It seems I find myself once more with one foot over here and the other … somewhere … over …there?
It’s not that I’ve no desire to be settled, or to have a plan. I just have no will.
Gah! That is not even true- I have will, just no will-power. Darn it! Even that is false!
I know i have will-power, I’m a strong woman. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line I forgot how to enforce it.
What is the defining power that guides us from being in one place where we are not completely satisfied to another, where we would feel, if nothing else, more accomplished?
The answer to that my friends is, unquestionably, the will to do so.
Will is the only vehicle for growth.
Without will one would most probably spin idly for eternity. While perhaps the idle spin would be enjoyable for a time, the ‘spinner’ would inevitably become tired, bored and in most cases quite dizzy.
I am dizzy.
So I am entering myself in a one-girl ‘will-power -body-building’ contest!
Let me explain…
I intend to train myself… in the execution of ‘will-power’. I’ll train everyday, so darn hard that I’ll develop “will-power muscles” that be the envy of even the highest of achievers.
Starting today I’ll be setting my self a number of little tests of ‘will ‘every week. In doing so I hope to slowly rebuild that power I once had.
The will-power I took for granted was last seen somewhere in my twenties. With the idea that I should be spontaneous and live sans plan, I lost the mantra that where there is a will there is a way. I altered my way of living to one in which I took what was coming and disregarded what had been.I had no plan, nor any respect for planning. Also, somewhere back in those days of folly, I stopped believing I could do anything I set my sights on. Instead, I developed a belief that by simply accepting whatever was being thrown at me and being satisfied with that, I was showing great strength in character.
…Back there it seems I also lost the objective. I became too caught up in ducking and diving the bad stuff, too busy patting myself on the back for not getting down about my lack of achievement, that I actually lost the will to achieve. And quite frankly the balls for it.
So, without delving too much into the ‘big stuff’, I am going to document my mission to getting the little things done… on the path to re-building the “will”, if you will…
Every day of my life to date I have come up with a great idea, some grand plan for myself and my future. Along with that, scattered throughout each day, I also have little plans; little things I say I want to do. These are the plans that quickly and too easily become ‘that thing i was going to do’–> followed sadly by ‘that thing I wish I’d done’…
So this is what i shall tackle first, the little things. We all know the key to building strength in fitness terms is repetitive, low impact exercise->regularly. With regular exercise and strength building activity, eventually you see results. Before you know it you are running marathons! (Well, that is the admirable few that stick to their regime)
Thus begins my training. For the marathon of living fulfilled.
I am making a promise, to myself, that each time I log on to this blog, I will have a new mission statement.
This may be a small sight or a grand plan.
However, what it will not be, is another dream. A beautifully thought out, eloquently drafted (but rarely executed) bag of drivel I’ve conjured up to entertain my peers.
These missions will be completed!
With each ‘mission statement’ will be a follow-up blog entry.
So it’s time. I am re-building my will power. Step by awkward step, I invite you to come with me on this ride.
Be my cheer-squad, be my critics, be someone who doesn’t give a damn but enjoys a bit of voyeurism…Watch me do it.
I will do it; what I say I am going to do,
The Day I Say It.