haters gonna carry on and christmas

Welcome to the end of my week of celebrating a crap mood.

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It went something like this…when I’m driving I hate pedestrians, when I’m walking I hate drivers and when I’m riding my bike I hate everyone. I hate when my takeaway coffee takes too long, forcing me to have awkwardly long conversations with an annoying waitress, I hate when my coffee comes too fast, before I have finished reading that article on obsessive dog-owners, the article that gives me endless amounts of scoffing power. I hate when girl/guy on the tram next to me is wearing perfume. I hate when the girl/guy on the train is not wearing perfume and I can smell their humanity. Everyone’s ugly, everyone’s stupid, everything sucks. I hate everything this week. I hate you, I hate them, I hate sun, I hate rain, I hate Nutella. I am not discriminating, I even hate writing this load of crap, but it all had to be felt as this is The Festivus of Festy Moods.

You see, the first week of December ‘tis my season to be un-jolly. In this week of woe I have been dipping into my misanthropic gene jar. That emergency pot of sweet despise I keep at the back of my soul, the one I save for the pre-festive season – my festy season, the first week of December.

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I am a kind person, a thoughtful and giving person, naturally. But sometimes I just get fed up with the fluff. I get a bit bored with the feeling good, and the sharing good and just want some time to hate some…Annnnd, believe it or not, pre-Christmas is the perfect time for the loathe spree. (There is nothing like a loathing spree around a Christmas tree!) It’s so easy to blend into the ‘Scrooge Blues’ that fly around the Decembers. Being a grump is widely accepted by the middle-aged, the obscure agnostic youth and the wider community of Westfield shoppers, come the jolly days. I seem to just fit right in.

Now, do not misunderstand my melancholy for a lack of Christmas cheer. I actually love Christmas – I love the weather, the rush, the togetherness, the food, the spending – I love it all! But when else can a good-vibe girl indulge in the anti-spirit of Grinch-ly groaning without being judged? That pre-Christmas, December despondency, oh my body craves it. It’s like the opposite of a detox – a toxic tonic of anti-cheer, equal parts despair and distaste. Just what my soul needs before a binge of goodwill.

So, I will enjoy the last day of my week of unkindly wallow in the best way possible. I will stay in bed and moan about the weather while I watch the ever-so annoying world spin around me. I will tuck myself into my bad mood and sleep soundly tonight, knowing I can slip back into my sunny old self tomorrow, and even if the weather doesn’t follow suit I shall pop on my poncho and dance in the puddles of the last week’s tears.

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For now, let me say salute, as I take in the last drop of the season’s whine.

Cheers Grinches, enjoy the gripe, because you actually do need some cloud for a silver lining. (Oh feck, what a load of crap).

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